Episode 46 Transcript

46 - Damien
By Lauren Shippen

[sfx: buzzing of a phone]

Damien: Hello?

Wadsworth: (over the phone) Good morning, Robert. 

Damien: What do you want?

Wadsworth: I’m merely checking in. 

Damien: Do you have to do it every fucking morning?

Wadsworth: I take it nothing's changed.

Damien: Why would I tell you if it had?

Wadsworth: Because Damien, you’re not an idiot. If your power comes back, you know we’ll know. Best to be upfront. 

Damien: Says you. 

Wadsworth: Has it come back?

Damien: No. 

Wadsworth: I didn’t think so. Any change whatsoever?

Damien: No. 

Wadsworth: Well, that’s very disappointing, isn’t it?

Damien: If you care so much, why don’t you try to actually help me?

Wadsworth: I’m checking in, aren’t I? That counts. 

Damien: You calling every morning at six AM does not count as helping. I think I’d call it harassment. 

Wadsworth: Yes, well, you would recognize that behavior wouldn’t you? You kept calling on Joan at all hours of the day after she tried to refer you to another therapist. I’ll defer to your expert opinion on what constitutes harassment. 

Damien: I was looking for help. You’re looking for an asset. 

Wadsworth: Were you looking for help, Robert? Or were you just bored. 

Damien: I was looking for help alleviating my boredom. 

Wadsworth: Oh, of course. 

Damien: How about we just agree that, if something changes, I’ll call you. In the meantime, let me sleep in. 

Wadsworth: Oh please, I’m not going to trust you to reach out. 

Damien: I thought you said you’d know—

Wadsworth: Besides, if I can’t keep you at the facility, this is the next best thing. 

Damien: If you wanted to keep me so bad, why didn’t you?

Wadsworth: My superiors didn’t like it. I’m sure they’ll change their minds when you have your ability back. 

Damien: I wouldn’t hold your breath on that, sweetheart, I’m just your average Joe now. 

Wadsworth: You can still feel the edges of others’ consciousness. I’d say that’s a little beyond average. 

Damien: Yeah, little good it does me. Well, this has been charming as always, but I’d like to go back to bed now, so- 

Wadsworth: Robert, don’t you know that the early bird gets the worm? You need to get out there, seize the day, especially now that you can’t live off your ability. 

Damien: Yeah, thanks for the reminder. 

Wadsworth: Really, you should be grateful for these wake up calls. I’m trying to help you adjust to your new existence. And the sooner you feel one hundred percent, the sooner your ability will come back. 

Damien: You really think so?

Wadsworth: Only one way to find out. Now get out there and take control back. 

[sfx: phone disconnects]

Damien: Psychopath.

[sfx: Damien shuffling in bed]

Damien: Ugh, fine. 

[sfx: Damien getting out of bed]

[sfx: Damien looking for coffee]

Damien: Where’s the- goddammit. 

[sfx: shuffling in cabinets]

Damien: Of course.


[sfx: Damien leaving convenience store]

Damien: Fine, fine, I’m leaving, okay, no need to get hostile. Asshole. 

Agent Green: Getting into trouble again?

Damien: Fuck, what the- what are you doing here?

Agent Green: I live here. 

Damien: What, at this 7-11?

Agent Green: In the neighborhood. What are you doing here?

Damien: I also live here. Not the 7-11. 

Agent Green: Do you?

Damien: Yes. What?

Agent Green: Nothing, it’s just—

Damien: What, didn’t picture me in such a nice part of town?

Agent Green: No, I wasn’t particularly picturing you anywhere. 

Damien: Yeah, well, I own a place around the corner. I mean, technically. You know, the landlord signed it over to me. They may have regretted it after the fact.

Agent Green: Ah, I see. Small world, I guess.

Damien: Yeah, small world. How long have you lived around here?

Agent Green: A few years. 

Damien: Uh-huh. Wadsworth hasn’t sent you to look after me?

Agent Green: Believe it or not, Damien, my living situation is not actually based on your whereabouts. 

Damien: I wouldn’t put it past her. 

Agent Green: Yes, well, speaking of, I need to be getting to work. You don’t have any bags. What were you doing in there?

Damien: I ran out of coffee.

Agent Green: Did the store run out too?

Damien: What?

Agent Green: You don’t have any coffee. 

Damien: Ah, yeah, that. Well, uh, it seems that normal people have to pay for things. I kind of forgot about that pesky little detail. 

Agent Green: Damien.

Damien: What?

Agent Green: Are you out of money?

Damien: Well, it’s not like I was exactly building my investment portfolio, now was I?

Agent Green: If you need help getting a job, that’s something The AM can—

Damien: Spare me the sales pitch, okay? I’ll figure something out. I always do. 

[sfx: Damien starts to walk away]

Agent Green: Wait. Wait.

Damien: What?

[sfx: Agent Green digging in his pockets]

Agent Green: Here. 

Damien: I don’t want your money. 

Agent Green: Just take it. You shouldn’t starve. 

Damien: It’s just coffee. I’ll be fine. 

Agent Green: So you’ve got a stocked fridge at home? We shouldn’t have kicked you out of the facility like that. We’re supposed to help you but Wads— just take it. 

Damien: Fine.

[sfx: Damien walking away]

Agent Green: You’re welcome! 

Damien: Dickhead.


[sfx: phone ringing]

Mark: (over the phone) Hello?

Damien: Mark! Marky, Marky, Mark—

Mark: Damien? What the hell—

Damien: I still have Dr. B’s home phone number. 

Mark: She’s not home right now. 

Damien: I know! Of course I know. She works. She’s got one of those thing-a-ma-jigs- the job. But you’re home.

Mark: Yeah. Are you drunk?

Damien: You know, I think I am. Yeah, I haven’t gotten drunk in so long. You know, I stopped. Because it was…you know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a legal drink until today. By the time I was twenty-one, I knew I didn’t like it. 

Mark: What made you change your mind?

Damien: It doesn’t matter now. Before- before it made it hard to stay in control, you know? I’d get sloppy, not smart. You can’t be sloppy when you can do what I can do. Do what I did. Hey, I can’t do it anymore So it doesn’t matter. I can get drunk now because it doesn’t matter what I want. Just like you said. It makes fuck-all difference. 

Mark: Well, nothing says sloppy better than getting drunk before noon, so I’d say you’re on the right track if you’re trying to make up for those missed years. 

Damien: How would you know? I have a hard time believing that the boy scout had a misspent youth.

Mark: Well, then let’s say that I’m making up for lost time, too. 

Damien: What, are you drunk?

Mark: No, I- not yet.

Damien: But it’s the middle of the day!

Mark: Yeah, so what’s your excuse?

Damien: I have an excuse. Today is a special day - there are exceptions. 

Mark: Why?

Damien: Hm?

Mark: Why is today special?

Damien: I wasn’t planning on getting drunk. I mean, I never do anything today, I just let it go by every single year-

Mark: Damien, what are you-

Damien: But then Agent Green just handed me a wad of cash and I thought, “hey, why not? Why not go spend this on an expensive bottle of bourbon instead of being practical, that’d really piss him off”. It took me a while to find a place that didn’t ask for ID because, you know, I don’t have one—

Mark: Agent Green gave you money?

Damien: Sure did. He basically threw it at me on the sidewalk. I didn’t even ask. I mean, it wasn't me- I didn't do anything. He was just being, I don’t know, nice? Was he being nice?  

Mark: What, are you working with the AM now?

Damien: No, no, no. They don’t want me. They don’t want me and you don’t want me but who the fuck cares, I don’t need any of you anyway.

Mark: Why are you calling?

Damien: Bored. 

Mark: Okay, well, I should get back to it then, so—

Damien: Back to what? Drinking yourself into oblivion?

Mark: Is that what you think I’m doing?

Damien: I know you, Mark—

Mark: No, you fucking don’t. God, after all this— you didn’t learn anything, did you? You’ve been out for a month and now you call and you won’t even fucking apologize. 

Damien: Is that what you want? You want me to apologize?

Mark: I want you to— God, I don’t know. I don't know. I don’t even know what I expected from you. I don’t know even why I’m still talking to you. 

Damien: No, don’t hang up, just—  you know. You know what it’s like, Mark. You know what it’s like to not feel your ability and I just— it’s awful. It’s so awful and you could be just a little bit more sympathetic about it. 

Mark: Fucking hell, did you call for pity? For a shoulder to cry on?

Damien: I’ve been a shoulder for you.

Mark: No, you’ve been in the room as I relived traumas that you pulled out of me. Witnessing someone’s pain isn’t the same as comforting them through it. You really didn’t learn anything from November did you? Or from being at The AM.

Damien: That place is horrible. 

Mark: I know. I know. I didn’t want that for you. I don’t want that for anybody. But you tried to kidnap a kid, Damien. And you— god, you know what, no, I’m done. 

Damien: No, no, no, come on, I wasn’t going to actually do anything to him—

Mark: And Sam? What would you have done to her? What would you have made her do?

Damien: I- nothing. I wouldn’t have gone through with anything. It was just-

Mark: A threat. 

Damien: A means to an end. I wouldn’t have hurt her. You know that.

Mark: Do I know that? How could I?

Damien: You know my bark is worse than my bite. 

Mark: Your bark is your bite, Damien. Your words matter. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now, but you’re dangerous, Damien. It doesn’t matter that you say you wouldn’t have gone through with it, just the fact that you thought it and that you could have done something, could have made her do something—

Damien: Having this ability isn’t easy, you know that first hand—

Mark: And you’re clearly ill-equipped to have it so maybe it’s better that you don’t have it anymore. You've used it to justify so much—

Damien: Anyone would do the same—

Mark: No, no, they wouldn’t, Damien, they wouldn't. God, that’s the whole point. It’s not your ability, it’s you. Just because people call you a monster doesn’t mean you’re obligated to become one.

Damien: Mark—

Mark: Go chug some water and sleep it off, Damien. Goodbye. 

[sfx: phone disconnects]

Damien: Fuck.


[sfx: Damien walking in a park]

Rose: God, you look terrible.

Damien: Hello to you too. 

Rose: Sorry. Are you okay?

Damien: Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little hungover. 

Rose: It’s five o’clock in the afternoon. 

Damien: It was a rough morning. 

Rose: Yikes, what happened?

Damien: What do you think happened, I drank half a bottle of bourbon, drunk dialed my—  then I took a nap and a cold shower and now I’m here and I’ve got a headache so can we skip all the probing questions about The AM for today?

Rose: Jeez, cool it on the attitude. Here- coffee. 

Damien: God bless you. 

[sfx: Damien takes a sip of coffee]

Rose: So…drunk dialed an ex? I’ve been there. 

Damien: You’re nineteen. 

Rose: Okay, so I’ve sugar-high-dialed an ex, it’s basically the same thing. 

Damien: He’s not an- I mean, he’s not- it was never like that. 

Rose: Ah, gotcha. Not an ex-boyfriend, just an ex…something?

Damien: Yeah. Something. 

Rose: What happened with you guys?

Damien: What did I say about the probing questions?

Rose: This isn’t about The AM. 

Damien: Yeah, it sort of is. 

Rose: What do you mean?

Damien: Just drop it, Rose. 

Rose: Okay, okay, sheesh. Are you sleeping alright?

Damien: Bit better now that I’m out of that place. 

Rose: No more nightmares?

Damien: I said better, not perfect. 

Rose: Right. Well, hopefully that’ll change soon. 

Damien: Yeah, what are we doing here?

Rose: There’s someone I want to introduce you to. 

Damien: Okay…

Rose: Someone who I think will be able to help. 

Damien: Look, if it’s someone from The AM, you know I’m not interested. 

Rose: Of course it’s not. I may have had a good experience there but that doesn’t mean they aren’t doing sketchy stuff. I believe you.

Damien: Oh. Thank you. 

Rose: Well, it is a bit easier to believe someone when you can see inside their head. 

Damien: Yeah? I wouldn’t be too sure. You only got into one dream. That doesn’t show you everything. 

Rose: Why, are you hiding something? Something other than being experimented on by people who were supposedly there to help you?

Damien: Aren’t we all hiding something? I mean, can we ever really know another person?

Rose: Oh, don’t be cute. 

Damien: It’s an honest question. How are things going with Emily?

Rose: Fine. 

Damien: Have you told her yet?

Rose: That’s none of your business. 

Damien: So that’s a no then. Kinda proves my point. 

Rose: I don’t know why I even told you about her in the first place. 

Damien: Because I’m the only atypical you know that you’re not related to?

Rose: God, yeah, that’s true. But you said you know others - when are you going to introduce me?

Damien: I’m not exactly on speaking terms with them at the moment. 

Rose: Oh really? Does that have something to do with the things you may or may not be trying to hide? Or your ex something?

Damien: I said leave it alone, alright? What about this person who’s gonna help me? They must know other atypicals. 

Rose: Yeah, but there’s a whole confidentiality thing. 

Damien: Wait, why are we meeting here? Why this park? Who is this person?

Rose: She works just over there. But she’s meeting us out here, just to be “safe”. I’m not sure what that means.

Damien: Oh, fuck, you gotta be kidding me. 

Rose: What?

[sfx: phone vibrating]

Damien: Shit. 

Rose: Who is it?

Damien: My shadow.

[sfx: Damien walking away]

 Damien: What?

Wadsworth: Do you always answer the phone in such a hostile manner?

Damien: Caller ID is a beautiful thing. 

Wadsworth: You’ve had quite the eventful day, haven’t you?

Damien: Not particularly.

Wadsworth: What did you and Agent Green chat about? 

Damien: Excuse me?

Wadsworth: What did he say to you?

Damien: Who says we talked at all?

Wadsworth: I know you spoke to him this morning at around six-thirty AM. 

Damien: Jesus christ, are you having me followed?

Wadsworth: What did you talk about?

Damien: Convenience store coffee.

Wadsworth: I’m sorry?

Damien: Guess we both go for shitty 7-11 coffee. Have to say, I was surprised. I would have thought your boy there would go for the fancy pour-over place that just opened up in our neighborhood.

Wadsworth: Our neighborhood?

Damien: Yeah, looks like we might run into each other from time to time. Small world, huh?

Wadsworth: Agent Green lives on the opposite side of town. 

Damien: What?

Wadsworth: Thank you, Damien, this has been very informative. 

Damien: Glad to be of service. 

Wadsworth: I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be talking to Rose Atkinson. 

Damien: Did you implant a tracker in me or something? Oh my god, wait, did you?

Wadsworth: Rose is an excellent example of the good The AM can do. We don’t want you poisoning her against us. 

Damien: Rose can make up her own damn mind. 

Wadsworth: Stay out of it, Damien. Go adjust to your new life - get a job, get proper identification, rejoin society. Put all of this behind you. 

Damien: Yeah, no thanks. 

Wadsworth: Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Damien: We done?

Wadsworth: I highly doubt it. 

Damien: Great. I’ll look forward to your call at ass-o-clock in the morning tomorrow. 

Wadsworth: Excellent. 

Damien: Ta-ta—

Wadsworth: Oh, oh, Robert?

Damien: God, what?

Wadsworth: Happy birthday. 

Damien: Fuck you. 

[sfx: phone disconnects, Damien walks back to Rose]

Rose: Who was that?

Damien: No one. 

Rose: Okay, Mr. Mysterious. 

Damien: I should go. 

Rose: What? No, come on, she’ll be here any second.

Damien: Yeah, I don’t think this is a good idea. 

Rose: She’s cool, I promise. She works with tons of people like us. 

Damien: Yeah, I know. 

Rose: What?

Damien: Never mind. I just- I have a feeling she won’t be able to help me. 

Rose: Okay, if you don’t want to work with her, that’s fine. But just please stay and tell her what you’ve told me about The AM. She needs to know. She might be able to do something. Plus, she’s expecting you. 

Damien: She’s expecting me.

Rose: After we got coffee that first time, I told her that I knew somebody who had potentially damning information about The AM. And she was very interested. That’s why we’re meeting out here. I think she already knows The AM is not on the up-and-up and just needs some more concrete proof. You’re the proof. So please stay, I hate to disappoint. 

Damien: Oh, I’m most definitely going to disappoint. 

[sfx: footsteps approaching]

Rose: What? Oh- there she is. 

Damien: Hey, Dr. B. 

[music & credits]

Lauren Shippen: Episode 46 was written and directed by Lauren Shippen and produced by Mischa Stanton. The voice of Damien is Charlie Ian, the voice of Wadsworth is Alex Marshall-Brown, the voice of Agent Green is Ian McQuown, the voice of Mark is Andrew Nowak, and the voice of Rose is Alanna Fox. Our music is composed and performed by Evan Cunningham. Along with our patrons, we’d like to thank Hank Green, Jeffrey Cranor, Joseph Fink, and the McElroys for letting us be a part of the very first Podcon. And, as always, thank you to Elizabeth Laird and Elizabeth and Matthew Harrington who do so much for the show way behind the scenes. The Bright Sessions will return in two weeks, on January 10th, 2018. Until then, happy holidays, a happy new year, and, of course, stay strange.